Today, I was reminded that the signs and effects of traumatic events linger long after the actual incident occurs. Even after treatment, solace, and forgiveness there are times when you may find yourself triggered by an event that throws you off your balance.
Today, I was violated…
Last year, in preparation for my golden 30th birthday, I embarked on a complete journey of self love, appreciation, and reclaiming ownership over my life. In response to this journey, I decided to do a series of photoshoots that pictured the essence of me. One of those photoshoots was a boudoir shoot. For those who do not know what a boudoir photoshoot is, it is a photography style that captures intimate and romantic photographs in a private setting. The purpose of this shoot was for me to reclaim my body, sexuality, and femininity. It was a time of healing for me. I was preparing to release my book, They Never Told, which is about unreported sexual assault and it was triggering to read and write everyday for over a year.
I was reclaiming my internal power..
For some reason, most of my life, my body always felt like it was separate from me and my soul. I wanted to reconnect the two and completely fall in love with them intertwined. I wanted to find and embrace my inner femininity.
That power was taken from me again…
I honestly felt violated again. This time, not from the men who had found my body to be a playground, but the woman I trusted with a deeper part of myself. I logged online to facebook, only to find my picture… my body… posted on a stranger’s page. I was so upset that all I could do was cry. I didn’t authorize this image to be used for promotional material. I didn’t authorize to have an intimate part of me shared with the world. I didn’t authorize to be looked at.
But it happened…
I was triggered. I felt powerless as each minute felt like eternity. I had to breathe. I had to remember that on our journey of growth and healing we will still have hard times; it’s all about how you handle them. Many of us are working through various forms of trauma and everyday is a day of coping and dealing with them. Be conscious of the triggers, your feelings, and reactions. Our triggers will show up in ways we least expect it. It may be from a stranger or even someone you trust, but they happen.
Our purpose and goal is to not let it take us off our balance.